Sometimes I find it good, sometimes I find it bad.

Probably because I can earn my own money, have my own income & make more friends & get to know more about the society & all.

Getting nagged by parents, bosses. MOSTLY, parents, they get so worried, but all they can do is scold me. (I am, truly speechless with this.)

I was working just now & at that time there were many customers, who knows, the later it is, the more customer there will be. Strange huh. People's people's. I really don't know why & how. But yeah, it's just like that. 

Another strange thing is, the customers come all at once, like a gang & more to come. Wow. Damn damn weird. & then.. After that..., *bird flys over* ( damn quiet).

Seriously? Why is it always like that. Haha. It's damn damn damn damn damn weird. 

Ok so, that isn't the point.

So I was working & it was so damn busy that I got lost in time, I was just focusing on the things I need to do & had to be done at that time. Then my friend was like, "My friend waited for me for an hour already", then I was like, crap, 12 already?! Omg, then she was like, "yeah. Another 10, to 12." Then I was like shitshitshit. My phone. Mom, dad.. ( just as expected) I had a few calls & texts from them. Sighs.* so I immediately told my boss I had to leave. & so, I did. When I was on the way home, my dad called me. ( just as predicted/expected). Sigh again.. "Hello" I said. My dad was like "HALO, SO LATE STILL NOT BACK YET? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO PICK UP YOUR CALLS,"

& I was like.. I was busy, what do you want me to do? & he was like "NEXT TIME YOU DON'T WORK UNTIL SO LATE I TELL YOU. CAN'T YOU JUST WORK TILL 11? IF NEXT TIME YOU WORK LATER THAN 11 THEN YOU NO NEED TO WROK ANYMORE. I TELL YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK ANYMORE IF ITS LATER THAN 11. (He just had to keep on repeating every single word.) & What I did was, I threw my phone in my bag, because I didn't know or how to respond..

Sigh. What am I suppose to do? 😔 

Every single day, I try to be happy.. & this is what I get, for trying.. 

There's just too much to handle. 

I'm so sick & tired of all these..

I really can't take it anymore..

Just had to tell myself, you just have to be strong for one more day, & I did that, over & over.. 

But for a second there, It really felt great to be busy, it makes you forget everything for a little while..

Till then, 

Goodnight le readers. 

Cheers, xx

xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?

About that title ^....

Just some random title I thought of. Haha k so..

But I'll just start with me & my life.

To live simply & to be happy is it?

To feel like you never belong, to feel left out, to be judged, to get hated for things you've never done or even did, to feel not being cared for, to feel not being loved, to feel ugly, to feel insecure about every single thing. That's kinda.. Life. 

K cut that. Unimportant.

I've always had this thing in me that I want to just scream it out, but I don't know how or if I can.. Even.

I don't know how I feel at times, sometimes I feel so wanted & the next second, unwanted. 

How should I even say.. I really have no idea.. 

Errr......

At this age of mine, I'm suppose to feel free & easy, since I just got out of high school & I thought I'm suppose to be like that.. But no.. Instead I'm & I have to start thinking about my future, my $$$ or how to even earn it or some shit. At times, I just want to leave everything aside & just enjoy life right now.. But everyone around me just kept on reminding me to think about every single thing, that I didn't want to, for now, At least. But noooo, they just had to.. So yep, ending up me & my crumbles up thoughts, over-thinking, curling myself up in bed crying & thinking about if that's what I really want, & if I really can do it..

I know when i start telling people my problems, they'll probably tell me, your life is considered damn good already, but.. Ok I know there are other people who are hundred thousand times worse than me but everyone has their own difficulties & their own problems right.. Can we just don't or not compare ones life for once. It's just damn stupid, comparing each others life. 

I really don't know how should I say it,

I feel like a bad child or bad girl for saying all these but, yep, like all my other posts about my parents.

They never really understand me or how my life is, right now. All they know is, scold/nag me for being out. & for working till late night, & don't even allow me to go out at night. I know.. I know. I'm a girl, & it's dangerous for me. Dangerous for me to be out at night & all. Plus now, the world, this country is so unsafe & in chaos.. Etc. 

I know that. I know that. mom. & dad.

But can you please just trust me, in what I do & wherever I go, because it seems like you both never trust me in what I do & wherever I go. I can't feel it, I can't feel the support & the trust in you both. It makes me feel so insecure. It makes me feel so not loved & cared. & plus those times where I asked & talk nicely to ask you if could go there, & everywhere, but you guys just responded to me in that tone of voice.. Which I was afraid to hear every time I did.. It makes me feel even worse somehow. Can't.. I mean CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST RESPOND NICELY & CALMLY instead of just yelling at me, like I did something wrong for just asking if I could go countless times, despite of just scolding & yelling at..

Me.

Sigh, I really want you both to know how I feel & all. Just everything about me. But I couldn't find the courage to ever talk to you guys knowing that you guys wouldn't even wanna listen & would respond to me in THAT tone of VOICE.. I'm so afraid..

& that sucks. Sometimes I just act like or just tell myself to not be, & just be strong.

No biggy right? 😔.

I guess what I'm lack of is,

Trust, love, care & most importantly support.

I just need to feel all these within me.

Don't lie to me.

I know, & I can feel it.

When I was little, I still remember my dad, treating me as if I was the king. Buying me literally everything I ever want. And all I ever want was CANDY. I was a sugar addict, if you didn't know. HAHA. Till one day I was forced to go to the dentist because my tooth hurt-Ed like mad. & I was crying & yelling because I didn't want to. So end up my dad bought me a huge lollipop, & trick me to go to the dentist & I ended up crying like a mad pig. So yep.. At last, I came out from the dentist untouched. HAHAHAHAHA. So I lived with that pain in my tooth for a few months, & I couldn't take it anymore so I just tried to pluck my tooth on my own. & so.. I did. Everyday.. Shaking it. Till one day, 'ploop' it fell off. Yay me. Yeewen the cute little dentist. K so, me & my dad. We were really close.. Till I started growing up.. We started to grew apart & we talked really less, till one day.. Nothing at all. Not even a word. We had nothing to say anymore.. & that is so freaking sad . For me. I just couldn't take it. & now, he started yelling and me & all.. Sigh. ohmygod, I'm gonna cry..

I should stop. Here.

I still remember when I was

Working with my colleague on Thursday, she was telling me about her & her "mind course" aka '心灵课程.' She told me like literally everything she learned from there, & she said & told me from the bottom of her heart, & I felt it, I'm kinda embarrassed to say that I actually cried. Because I felt her & myself.. 

xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?