Will you smile each time you see me?


Tuesday, July 23, 2013
can't tolerate at 8:12 PM

I CAN'T tolerate with your nonsense anymore.
TBH, seriously, why are you even like that?

Time. 
does that even matter?
It's just a number,
why is it such a bummer?

Why does it matter so much?
what matters most is that I came home right?
12, it is just a number. Same goes to 1 2 3 4 5 6 & so on.
& yet it's such a big deal to you guys,

I really don't understand.
& I don't want to understand anymore.
so effing complicated.

& knowing it isn't suppose to be like this, at this age, at this time,
it hurts me.

sigh, life. sigh.
xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?



Friday, July 12, 2013
Fuck society at 7:57 PM

He's just a friend. We were just upstairs. I was doing project. & he was just chilling & helping me. & what you guys say? What are you "doing" upstairs? Can't you do it downstairs? & I responded, 'the laptop is upstairs.' & it's my room. Why should I bring it downstairs? Whattheheck man. Please la. Please don't think your own daughter would do such stuffs. It's the society, that made you think that way is it? All the fucking news on the fucking newspaper & tv news. Just fucking keep it to their fucking self la. Fucking idiots. I seriously can't stand it anymore. Thought after that long message I sent, you guys would trust me a little more, but turns out? Still the same.  I'm just not that trustable is it? Not even once.. Sigh. 

xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?



Friday, July 5, 2013
please take me away, at 1:46 PM

If you should know,
I was crying all the way after you/I hung up the phone.

Why are you even like that?
Even you're afraid of the society,
You can't be like that to me.
Like I said, AGAIN. I know what I'm doing & where I'm going & also the people I am with.
I don't need your permission to make friends, Do I?

Seems like everything I ever do in your eyes, is wrong.

going to work, going out, going out with people that I know & you don't,
is also a problem for you? why?
don't you think it's a little bit too much?
It's not like you're gonna know all my friends right?
Like I know all your friends? please. seriously.
You have no rights to judge my friends.
They're MY friends & not yours.
It's also my problem.

& if you don't trust me, how do you expect me to trust the people's outside?


                                         yeah dad, Look at this, maybe you should see this ^

So tell me, if whatever also cannot,

What am I suppose to do?


xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?



the past can't be returned at 12:02 AM

我不像从前的自己, 我有一点不想理.

okay, I know I know.
Maybe my attitude is a little bit too much towards my parents, sometimes.
Like the way I talk. No patience & all.
But that's because they do the same thing to me sometimes..
& I really don't like it. Sigh.
omg.. I really don't know how to say it.. or how should I really say it.
seems bad & feels bad too.

First of all,

My Dad.

so freaking sensitive nowadays.
& also inconsiderate. ( sorry for saying this)
But yeah. He is.
& he isn't like this at all before.(probably that's why I can't take it)
I don't know why or how he became like this.
probably the society & yeah, those kidnapping cases, & those new friends people just met got cheated, got killed because tmi. yep. too much of all these around. & most importantly in this unsafe country.
sigh.. But like I said.. I am aware of all these.. & I'll beware.
I know what I'm doing & if it isn't right I won't over do it or even do it.
But what you guys give me? Insecurities & no trust. At all. Like seriously.. at all.
I can't feel that sincerity in you.

sigh.. I wanna talk to you guys, but i don't know how..

I can't.. sigh.
I have so much to say..

</3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Second,

Sometimes when I try to talk nicely to them,
They'll talk to me in "THAT" tone of voice.. which I really really really effing hate it.
like seriously.. what the hell la.
Can't you just speak nicely instead of yelling/scolding..


xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?



Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Another day of Missouri. at 1:05 AM

Working.

Is it a bad idea or good idea?

Sometimes I find it good, sometimes I find it bad.

GOOD:
Probably because I can earn my own money, have my own income & make more friends & get to know more about the society & all.

BAD:
Getting nagged by parents, bosses. MOSTLY, parents, they get so worried, but all they can do is scold me. (I am, truly speechless with this.)

Monday blues, Terrible Tuesday (Midnight)

I was working just now & at that time there were many customers, who knows, the later it is, the more customer there will be. Strange huh. People's people's. I really don't know why & how. But yeah, it's just like that. 

Another strange thing is, the customers come all at once, like a gang & more to come. Wow. Damn damn weird. & then.. After that..., *bird flys over* ( damn quiet).
Seriously? Why is it always like that. Haha. It's damn damn damn damn damn weird. 

Ok so, that isn't the point.

So I was working & it was so damn busy that I got lost in time, I was just focusing on the things I need to do & had to be done at that time. Then my friend was like, "My friend waited for me for an hour already", then I was like, crap, 12 already?! Omg, then she was like, "yeah. Another 10, to 12." Then I was like shitshitshit. My phone. Mom, dad.. ( just as expected) I had a few calls & texts from them. Sighs.* so I immediately told my boss I had to leave. & so, I did. When I was on the way home, my dad called me. ( just as predicted/expected). Sigh again.. "Hello" I said. My dad was like "HALO, SO LATE STILL NOT BACK YET? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO PICK UP YOUR CALLS,"
& I was like.. I was busy, what do you want me to do? & he was like "NEXT TIME YOU DON'T WORK UNTIL SO LATE I TELL YOU. CAN'T YOU JUST WORK TILL 11? IF NEXT TIME YOU WORK LATER THAN 11 THEN YOU NO NEED TO WROK ANYMORE. I TELL YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK ANYMORE IF ITS LATER THAN 11. (He just had to keep on repeating every single word.) & What I did was, I threw my phone in my bag, because I didn't know or how to respond..

Sigh. What am I suppose to do? 😔 

Every single day, I try to be happy.. & this is what I get, for trying.. 

There's just too much to handle. 
I'm so sick & tired of all these..
I really can't take it anymore..

Just had to tell myself, you just have to be strong for one more day, & I did that, over & over.. 

But for a second there, It really felt great to be busy, it makes you forget everything for a little while..

Till then, 

Goodnight le readers. 

Cheers, xx

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xx
Will you catch me if I fall?
Will you hug me if I cry?




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