 Saturday, June 29, 2013
 Flowers, butterfly, freedom. at 2:14 PMAbout that title ^.... Just some random title I thought of. Haha k so.. But I'll just start with me & my life. Life. What's is life? To live simply & to be happy is it? No. To feel like you never belong, to feel left out, to be judged, to get hated for things you've never done or even did, to feel not being cared for, to feel not being loved, to feel ugly, to feel insecure about every single thing. That's kinda.. Life. K cut that. Unimportant. I've always had this thing in me that I want to just scream it out, but I don't know how or if I can.. Even. I don't know how I feel at times, sometimes I feel so wanted & the next second, unwanted. How should I even say.. I really have no idea.. Errr...... At this age of mine, I'm suppose to feel free & easy, since I just got out of high school & I thought I'm suppose to be like that.. But no.. Instead I'm & I have to start thinking about my future, my $$$ or how to even earn it or some shit. At times, I just want to leave everything aside & just enjoy life right now.. But everyone around me just kept on reminding me to think about every single thing, that I didn't want to, for now, At least. But noooo, they just had to.. So yep, ending up me & my crumbles up thoughts, over-thinking, curling myself up in bed crying & thinking about if that's what I really want, & if I really can do it.. I know when i start telling people my problems, they'll probably tell me, your life is considered damn good already, but.. Ok I know there are other people who are hundred thousand times worse than me but everyone has their own difficulties & their own problems right.. Can we just don't or not compare ones life for once. It's just damn stupid, comparing each others life. Another, My parents, I really don't know how should I say it, I feel like a bad child or bad girl for saying all these but, yep, like all my other posts about my parents. They never really understand me or how my life is, right now. All they know is, scold/nag me for being out. & for working till late night, & don't even allow me to go out at night. I know.. I know. I'm a girl, & it's dangerous for me. Dangerous for me to be out at night & all. Plus now, the world, this country is so unsafe & in chaos.. Etc. I know that. I know that. mom. & dad. Me, your daughter, I know. But can you please just trust me, in what I do & wherever I go, because it seems like you both never trust me in what I do & wherever I go. I can't feel it, I can't feel the support & the trust in you both. It makes me feel so insecure. It makes me feel so not loved & cared. & plus those times where I asked & talk nicely to ask you if could go there, & everywhere, but you guys just responded to me in that tone of voice.. Which I was afraid to hear every time I did.. It makes me feel even worse somehow. Can't.. I mean CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST RESPOND NICELY & CALMLY instead of just yelling at me, like I did something wrong for just asking if I could go countless times, despite of just scolding & yelling at.. Me. Sigh, I really want you both to know how I feel & all. Just everything about me. But I couldn't find the courage to ever talk to you guys knowing that you guys wouldn't even wanna listen & would respond to me in THAT tone of VOICE.. I'm so afraid.. & that sucks. Sometimes I just act like or just tell myself to not be, & just be strong. No biggy right? 😔. I guess what I'm lack of is, Trust, love, care & most importantly support. I just need to feel all these within me. Don't lie to me. I know, & I can feel it. The past, When I was little, I still remember my dad, treating me as if I was the king. Buying me literally everything I ever want. And all I ever want was CANDY. I was a sugar addict, if you didn't know. HAHA. Till one day I was forced to go to the dentist because my tooth hurt-Ed like mad. & I was crying & yelling because I didn't want to. So end up my dad bought me a huge lollipop, & trick me to go to the dentist & I ended up crying like a mad pig. So yep.. At last, I came out from the dentist untouched. HAHAHAHAHA. So I lived with that pain in my tooth for a few months, & I couldn't take it anymore so I just tried to pluck my tooth on my own. & so.. I did. Everyday.. Shaking it. Till one day, 'ploop' it fell off. Yay me. Yeewen the cute little dentist. K so, me & my dad. We were really close.. Till I started growing up.. We started to grew apart & we talked really less, till one day.. Nothing at all. Not even a word. We had nothing to say anymore.. & that is so freaking sad . For me. I just couldn't take it. & now, he started yelling and me & all.. Sigh. ohmygod, I'm gonna cry.. I should stop. Here. A Thursday, I still remember when I was Working with my colleague on Thursday, she was telling me about her & her "mind course" aka '心灵课程.' She told me like literally everything she learned from there, & she said & told me from the bottom of her heart, & I felt it, I'm kinda embarrassed to say that I actually cried. Because I felt her & myself.. Ok to make this post a little happier & much more cheerful.. I think I could write a book about me & my life. HAHA. & I should probably name it... Life of YeeWen, the fun-sized little girl. Ok.. I figured that it isn't funny.. At all.. Sorry, I guess today isn't my day to make people laugh & happy. Anyways, ttfn. Love, wen. Labels: close to tears, Heartfelt, parents, sad xx Will you catch me if I fall? Will you hug me if I cry? Tuesday, June 18, 2013
just leave me alone. at 10:08 PMI really don't know how to feel about it. about all these happening.. I mean it isn't as bad as getting stabbed or killed or falling from the tip of a mountain. But still.. I feel so used to all these that I really don't know how to feel or care anymore. Cause it's no use & It's just making you feel sad.. so why/what for,right? Just smile & be happy. Most importantly ignore. That's all you can do. But sometimes.. just sometimes, I really can't stand it. He made you feel like that. He made you red eyed, full of tears inside, but you're still standing there, trying to smile & you.. forgived him. I feel so sad looking at it. So disappointed.. but what can I do? It's non of my business.. So I just sit/stand there.. watch. watched every step/move you make, you take.. & when you look back, I just smile & turn away. & another, I feel so annoyed sometimes.. I just feel like shutting down. Don't wanna touch my phone, see the notification.. or read those texts.. Nothing personal.. really. Just a lil' break for myself. Running away from reality & just go into my dreams.. & Just ignore, & don't care about a single shit in my life.. I am so tired of all these.. Wish I was promoted or wish there was a getaway. I would really really appreciate it. Really, really need it right, now. I just wish.. xx Will you catch me if I fall? Will you hug me if I cry? Saturday, June 8, 2013
far east at 10:57 PMI am finally updating, hello to whoever that's reading this. So, My life, hmm. What about it? I guess there's nothing much I can say about it. it's pretty much the same. no difference. Just more & more drama's & sad stuffs. ugh, why oh why. Anyway, started my baking course already, yay. It had been a few weeks, learn quite alot of nice stuffs. heh. I don't even know why I chose baking actually, I don't even know if that's what I want or I dont even have plan on what I want to do or what I want to be next time. Sigh, Wish there's someone who could tell me, I really need to know & I really want to know..  yep, this.^ THE PAST JUST HAD TO KEEP ON COMING BACK. FUCK MY LIFE, I'VE HAD IT. I NEED TO STOP. But I can't.. ....what & how I wished you knew.. 还没出现 就已对你爱恋
还没遇见 就先有了思念
before you showed up, I've already loved you.
before we met, I've already missed you.
xx Will you catch me if I fall? Will you hug me if I cry? |
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