No Matter What Happens.I'm Bankrupt Without Love.
XoXo


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哭过就好了 at 10:01 PM

还是觉得很多不愉快的东西喜欢发生在我身上. 真的不知道上辈子我做了什么. Haih :'(


Another first day, at 1:56 AM

Of work..
I don't know how I feel about it.
First it was kinda scary, then after that I kinda feel ignored & then it was okay again.
Sigh, I wish I knew Cantonese better or at least speak better.
I hate how I'm shy & just not sociable. Damn it.

Eottoe khaeyo? Eottoe khaeyo?


I am afraid, at 1:07 AM

All of a sudden, I'm so afraid.
Because who knows what you had today could be all taken away tomorrow?
First of all, my parents.
They never knew me, understand me or how I felt or what's going on in my life.
What if, just what if one day the left, and they didn't know who or what I was or how was I even doing or what I have always felt? What if they left without even knowing their own daughter.
I want and tried to tell them, but I just don't know how to put it that way.
I'm so tired of this family. I'm hurt deeply and no one even seems to care.
They only care about themselves. And me? Well, just a person that is blood related to, and this home, just a place I live at and whenever I go out i always get scolded countless times for no reason. It's not like I did something wrong did I? Do you have to talk to me that way? In those angry voices? Those hurtful voices? You guys never once made me feel alright and felt safe to go out with anyone at all, even though I know I'm safe with them. You just had to make me feel so afraid, so lack of confidence. The way you guys talk, the tone of the voice you guys use to talk to me, so hurtful. And you guys never even know it. All you do is nag & scold & then hang up. I'm not a child anymore ya know? Even if I'm the youngest at home, I will still grow up. It's not like ill forever be a child. I still have to go out & have fun right? Have a little freedom after so much pressure & stress that SPM had brought me. & you know what? I never dared talk back because I'm always afraid of how it would hurt you all and how it will hurt me & make myself guilty too.
All those pointless fights we had. Maybe I should put it this way, the 'cold war' that we always have. We don't talk to each other or even look at each other for days, maybe weeks & months. You know how hard I tried to just get away from all these shitty things? It hurts & It pains me everytime I think about it. I just wanna keep crying & crying because it hurts so damn fking much.
I really really really really really want to tell you how I feel & what I've been going through.
But I don't know how.
But I do wish somehow you guys find out, read my blog, my tumblr or anything & I never even have to say a word.

But i know, It's always easier to say than be done.
Sigh,

Labels: heartbreak, sadness, tears

Spiritualized at 3:10 PM

Because I'm insecure all the time & feel that I was never loved by anyone, anyone at all.
The world is full of hate, how can people ever love?